STORY OF A YOUNG ACTOR
Let me tell you all a story of a young woman, in her early 20s, ambitious, passionate and determined to make her dream come true. Let’s name her Aana (Yup! Like Frozen, but it’s spelt different). As far as memory goes, Aana always wanted to be an actor. Scared at first that it’s one of those childhood infatuations that changes every day, she kept it to herself, brushed it under the carpet and let something more practical, more achievable, something easier to tell the relatives be the path of her career- designing. While pursuing designing in one of the prestigious colleges of India, Aana couldn’t stop thinking about her infatuation, later to realize that it was not just an immature attraction but, real love. One that made her giddy, feel alive, happy and most important of all like she finally belonged somewhere. All those times when Aana felt worthless was not because she was not good enough but because she was trying to fit in at a place which wasn’t meant for her. Her heart wasn’t there and finally she found somewhere her heart thrived, acting.
Once Aana was done romanticizing her passion, practical side of it was standing tall with an eyebrow raised, as if to say “Are you sure about this, Lady?”. All the people to tell her how difficult it is to make it as a successful actor and only a few examples to support her cause along with the pragmatic part of her brain telling her how impractical it was without knowing anyone in the city let alone the industry, with no idea as to whom to approach, where to go, what to do? Somehow fighting these overwhelming thoughts, she kept weaving her path, one thread at a time. Made sure to not be delusional and be prepared for the challenges waiting for her. Coming from a middle-class family, it was difficult for Aana’s parents to understand the importance of at least giving her dreams a try instead of living with the regret of ‘what if’ for the rest of her life. They wanted her life to be simple, without any sufferings and for her to take up the decent job that she was offered after graduating and with a heavy heart, she did. With the promise to herself that she’ll continue to work towards achieving what she really wanted.
Aana managed to sail on two boats simultaneously for three years, going through the monotonous weekdays just to live on stage during the weekends, spending half of her days in almost every mode of transportation possible just to go for that rehearsal or that five minute audition, doubting herself and questioning her worth innumerable times, every morning walking up to her desk smiling at those similar faces burdened with responsibilities and devoid of satisfaction, while asking herself is her life going to be like theirs and suffering more breakdowns than she would like to admit. I know, most of us have felt those feelings. How hard it is to live with them, to go through days or weeks without feeling truly happy, not remembering when was the last time you genuinely laughed.
Thing about time, good or bad it changes. Finally, she got an opportunity, glinting like a ray of hope amidst the cloudy sky. Life was about to take a turn for good, like all her efforts were not in vain. That opportunity gave Aana the little push she needed to jump off that cliff, the net below to fall on. Aana felt happy after a long time, was it really happening? All that she wished for was about to become the reality. Just then, that net was removed at the last minute. She was replaced from the project just week before starting it with absurd excuses to fill the gaping holes. With no job in hand and no project to look forward to, it felt like she had jumped into an abyss with no ground in sight.
Aana’s mother had taught her to always look at the bright side, so she took that failed opportunity as a catalyst needed to get out of her comfort zone. She was finally out of the job she never wanted and had the support of her family. Yes! They came around after seeing how serious she was about pursuing her dream. Aana decided to move ahead, leave behind what was done, she was excited, possibilities looked endless and now she could actually put all her focus, time and energy towards what truly mattered. Oh! So much she could do, it was the sign to go out in the world and conquer it. But we all know life… It always says “Gotcha!” when you least expect it, so it did. World was thrown one of its biggest curve balls, something that no one saw coming and no one was prepared to deal with it- The pandemic aka COVID 19.
How could Aana complain about her situation when people were losing their jobs, their homes, their loved ones and in some cases their lives. When things were going really downhill for so many, she was privileged to have a roof over her head, food on her plate and good health. The pandemic taught her to appreciate little things, be grateful for what she had. But, the fear of unknown and widespread uncertainties kept her awake at nights. She didn’t want to sound ungrateful and ignorant by sharing her third world problems, so she fought the internal demons alone.
You must be expecting an inspiring end to the story, something to motivate you. Well, that woman is me and like me, this story is also a work in progress. Waking up every day, filling up each page with patience and persistence. You must be wondering whether I am doubting my choices? No, but I do sometimes question the timings. Thoughts of what could have been sound enticing to entertain but are never fruitful. I am certain, there are many like me out there who thought that this would be their time, who took a life altering leap of faith but fell victim to the circumstances. It’s hard, really hard to wake up every day, being bombarded with sad news of people you know or love getting the disease or passing away or some of you might be fighting the disease alone, away from family or seeing the dreadful condition of your country, your countrymen struggling to breathe. Finding that motivation to get through the day without giving up sounds tough and tiring. But, hang in there, you’re doing good. It’s a comma not the full stop. Soon, you and I will find that inspiring climax to tie the ends of our stories.
